In this, the start of a new year, I ask that you try in any second you have to do a good deed. Pick up a piece of trash from the ground to throw out... Wait that extra moment to hold the door for someone else... Spare that extra change for the person in front of you... The epitome of "Pay It Forward" Together we can make it work... As Ceasar said in Revenge of the Apes... "As one, we are weak..Together we are strong..." Let us show what an incredible difference we can make! If we think positive, we can prove positive... Optimism is half the battle. If you believe, I believe, we believe... That is the perfect start... It isn't what the eye sees, it is what the heart believes... Cheers my friends... and Happy New Year...

Over the last few days... I have felt these emotions in my heart...my soul... that I haven't felt in so long... Not just wanting to hug someone so tightly, but wanting to hug their heart... Reach inside and whisper to their inner thoughts... I love you, it will be ok... Have you ever been out and seen someone crying? Wanted to know what was making them hurt? When I see that, I feel such a pain inside... I can't stop the tears from falling... I may have no connection to them in life... but that's just it! That is a MAJOR connection... LIFE! We all feel, we all hurt, have fear, wish for great things... So when I see someone I know and love hurt... cry... I feel like I'm dying inside... I'd do anything to take that pain away... Maybe that's why I'm so emotional... Not only do I feel what I feel.. I feel what everyone else feels... At first I thought it wasn't fair.. Now I think... it's such a beautiful gift.. It's like having the ultimate compassion... It isn't a weakness... but a great strength... Sometimes, most times I wish I could share this... Sadly... it's too deep inside... Find your inner compasion...

After spending yesterday with my parents and a halftime with my grandfather and kitty, my heart is glowing. I am finding my place again. It is so grounding walking through crowds of people... wondering what they are going through. What do they feel? What are they thinking? Are they lonely? Hungry? Tired? Are they sick? Do they feel pain right now? No one can feel what another can... you can understand... but never feel exactly. Not every disease is on the outside. Not every pain is visible. Take notice of everyone... remember... that smile on their face can be hiding a painful day.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence, by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face... You must do the thing you think you can not do." -Eleanor Roosevelt Everyone has a time in their life they wonder if they can make it through. These times are hard right now for many, finding jobs, battling diseases, financial difficulties, finding themselves, feeling alone, etc. No matter how hurt, sad, frightened I feel sometimes, I know that there are so many suffering through harder times... I am determined to make sure that I am able to help at least one person, make one persons struggle easier. If everyone thought this way, how much more beautiful could this world be? If you do ONE thing today, please watch the video I have featured. No matter what we are all facing at one point, we are NOT alone... It will all... pass... I love you dearly.

Today is one of those days when you have a rollercoaster of emotions... Energetic, angry, excited, desperate, pathetic, sad, just a constant roar in my head! I do have to say... I feel very alive... I'm riding on Faith... Faith is my strongest emotion of all.. Can I call it an emotion? Well, I am... It is my passion, belief, emotion, favorite color... Ok, I got carried away.. but I walk with Faith everyday... I have Faith that there is good in everyone... That one day people will stop hurting others...That we can all realize that in this one life... we are all WE have... I have faith that no matter what... Good will always come out on top... and one day... We will all be ok...

As life starts to move by faster and faster... you begin to realize what counts... The laughter you share with friends... The dinners you have with family... The smiles on Godchildrens, nieces and nephews faces... A beautiful day that you have off... Driving your car with no where to go... Waking up and feeling good... A text or call... a letter from someone that surprised you.. Where your heart is, that is where your home is... I read my story over and over, the blog for today... It made me think hard about where you set your roots... What if we all have different roots? The mighty oak sets deep roots and plans to never leave... they are strong and can yeild almost any weather. any ground... and supply. The dogwood is also strong... but needs the help of another source to make sure it can grow strong.. a reminder, if you will, that sometimes we need help, a support system.. Then I thought about my ivy again... the ivy hardly has roots.. it finds comfort wherever it may be. It can put it's little roots anywhere... so long as it finds it's nutrients, it's happy. My ivy has been everywhere with me... Up and down the East Coast.. It is settled back where it started... my little roots are back home... I guess my home is where my heart is... always find your roots.

Life is about change... surprise... Be it good or bad... that is life... Life is a blessing in itself and the beauty of it.. is that it is yours... Yours to share... Everyday we have the opportunity to change someones life for the better... Show someone how they have changed yours for the better... I understand we each have bad days, weeks, months, Lord knows, even years... But having friends, family, others to help us get through.. That is the true heart and soul of living.. Those that understand you.... accept you.... always stand beside you... Symphathize with your pain, rejoice in your splendor and cry in your tears... Forgive without question, allow distance but not in heart... Life brings different paths.. but we can still walk to the same music... People, friends, family.. are all in our lives for a reason... They all leave an impression on us... My friends... my family... my strangers.. You have all been such a blessing to me... Please.. Pass It On...

I woke up this morning after a night of not much rest.... I was thinking of how I lost touch with so many people and how sad it has made me... But I truly need understanding, as I will give to everyone and do try to give.. I can't talk on the phone, as it is hard for me to breath. I can't go out as I'd like, I'm too weak. I have to try and work when I can, as I have to pay all my bills. That is the only time I drive... the pain I am in doesn't allow more than that... I can't imagine those that are in far more pain, going through far more suffering... The ones standing beside them... they are truly such amazing angels.... My friends, my family... for putting up with me right now... I am so blessed... I have been short tempered.. and I don't mean too... I'm just so tired, drained, uncomfortable... mostly.. I'm getting so, what's the word... well... losing hope... So many tests... I just want to wake up and not hurt... I know I have come to this point... I know I have survived... I know I will survive.. I know I can survive.... I live for today, as much as I can... If that means that I can take a ride to 7-11 and get a coffee... That is the biggest blessing of my day.. Don't wish away your day's.... the beauty is.. You have TODAY...

All I have to say today... is words hurt so terribly... Your actions can destroy someone... the smallest actions... And never... ever underestimate the kindness of a stranger.. The same smallest act.... can change someones world... To the person that caused tears today... I hope you have a conscience that hurts before you sleep. but I offer forgiveness To the person that caused such joy in a heart... I hope you are receive ten times your kindness today. and I offer you unconditional love

Did you ever find that on those days you need a friend the most... There's no one there... I want to remind you I will always be here.. I promise you... I'd never want anyone to feel the way I have. Treat everyone, loved ones, family, friends, strangers... with the same compassion you desire..

It's funny... I have seen such beauty in people... People I never expected... Inner beauty is this GLOW that just shines so brightly... You can't help but bask in its rays. The person sharing the rays becomes a light that you always want to be illuminated by! Today is a day to share the light you have inside.... Show a little hope for people who can't see in the dark.... Everybody may not be blessed with outer beauty... but NEVER let anyone rob you from your inner beauty by telling you that you are not beautiful! -UA

Well my friends, it is Superbowl Sunday and I hope everyone is having fun! The important part of this game is that people get to come together in a GREAT American tradition! It's a day for family and friends to have fun, laugh and celebrate with one another. I just want everyone to remember that. As we get older, we have to remember how blessed we are to have those in our lives that love, understand and will never leave our sides no matter how rough those bumps may get! To my sisters, brothers, cousins, familly, friends, parents, I love you with all of my heart. I am so thankful that you have been understanding during a time that even confuses me! Today, I am using as my great celebration and spending it with my parents in hopes of getting this year pushed in the right direction!!! I got a call from the Doctor and I just know that with good energy... I can do this!!!!.... My day is coming up, my favorite day of the year... and I am going to get on the best track I can! (VALentines Day!) Here's to love, life, friendships, and the pursuit of great health and happiness... Always stand for what you believe... forgive, accept and love. Much Love.

Patience isn't just sitting and waiting, anticipating a call without being eager. It's being patient while remaining yourself. Keeping a happy disposition. It's not just an action. It is a quality. Patience with others. The ability to accept that you must be patient while others learn who they are... Become who they must be... Follow their path.. Patience with those that are younger... While they discover new ideas... See new light... Find out what they are... Patience with the elder... When they are realizing they are slowing down... Finding memories are fading... Dance steps are more difficult.... Patience with slower learners... As they struggle to keep up... Attempt to complete simple tasks... Strive to not be seen differently... Patience with animals.. As they are learning to please their masters... When they make a few mistakes.... they are accidents, not on purposes... At night time when they want to be close... share that space... Remember you are their voice... Patience with yourself... You are perfect... There is no other perfect you.. Never forget that... I promise I will always have patience... not just an action... a virtue.. Through every step in your life.. I offer you my patience... Even if not standing with you... I am still here.

I'd like to begin with a thank you for the patience to my friends and family for putting up with my inability to call, text, email or respond. Followed by an apology... I have not meant to be rude by any means and I sincerely apologize. There is NO excuse for being a dreadful person, as everyone is going through a hard time... been through a hard time.. or will face a hard time (though I don't wish that by any means!) But, for that... I am sorry... I do have to , now that I have said that, have to ask a favor of those close to me... or even a thought of a stranger... I realize I just have to say it out loud... I never talk about my health or my personal issues to anyone... I've hardly opened up to my dearest of friends... even until recently... (sadly they will tell you it's true) But, I realize now, I can't do this alone. I always say I'm strong and can handle anything... These next few months... I may just need to talk... Ask for a hand to hold... A pair of arms to hug me... As I have been very sick for almost 11 years now... My first diagnosis was at 18.. but didn't correlate with these issues... Last year suffering from shingles and just now recovering from pneumonia... They finally found what it was a few months ago... but Wednesday... I got all the news. Too little.... too late... This disgusting disease has grown all over my organs. I have had as much as I could removed, but the remaining scar tissue has done its damage and now... they are returning.. The only, well, best option I have to stop the growths.... Well... I have to have a hysterectomy... To say it out loud... and two type this... physically is killing my heart... I thought that was the worse pain I'd suffer.. then I the doctor told me the next piece... They pain that I have in my side that wakes me... hurts my laughter... hinders my life completely.. is a tumor on my liver... The scar tissue and growths caused it to grow... where it is and the fact that there is scar tissue over it.. Removing it isn't an option. The next few steps to try to relieve the pain... it consists of decompressing my intestines, so on and so forth. Then... well, the next one. Followed by hormone treatment and pain management. I can get through it... Just need that smile from you guys sometimes... Now that I have that off my chest (sadly not my organs)... I want to tell you how the kindness of a stranger last night... it made my heart remember to smile. After Wednesday night... my head was spinning.. I didn't know left from right.. up from down.. I felt... lost. I wasn't even sure if I could get to work these next two days. Just to hear it all... to be in this pain... to hear that they can't take it away. Anyway, I just had to get away from my own thoughts and I went to visit my best friend working. He was very busy and I just sat alone, with people... but alone... As I sat there... A sweet smile and kind heart came up next to me.... a wonderful stranger offered me a seat at her table with family... (I can't believe I'm crying while I write this) If it was an accident and she was just being polite, or meant it... I joined! I got to talk and laugh (as little movement as possible mind you) with these kind and loving people! It made me remember that there are people who care, are kind, love others... The kind act that was given to me last night... will resonate forever... This was the day I needed this more than anything.. (I hope she gets her castle) That random act of kindness made my heart smile... Today... please... remember... You never know what someone is facing... Be kind... Offer your smile... Change a life...

I didn't get rid of my post from last week because I do believe that my friends have been angels, and strangers have still been reaping such beauty. As far as the last few days, I have been finding out how tremendous people are. Not only in INCREDIBLY positive, but unfortunately, an utter disgusting;y negative way. Some people, friends, you think would make a call, send a text or even a message, (this is assuming they even know what is going on in others lives) haven't even so much as said hello. Perhaps there has been a void for a while, in some cases, not even so, but I don't care what is between true friends... We have all been wronged at one time or another, friends can forgive. Life is too short, too fast, too real... to allow a grudge to be held. I have learned to forgive. Forgiveness is a trait of the strong... Not the weak... Inner Strength... that is a true beauty.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Today is such a beautiful day... so much to be thankful for... grateful... I am blessed (in a LOT of pain) but... BLESSED Not only was I named after this INCREDIBLE day, but last night, my Goddaughter was born. Welcome Alexandra Lynn and Congratulations Gigi and Chris! There are several stories about the derivation of Valentines day.. Yet all of them are beautiful, romantic and ending in love. My name is from Valentines Day and I am so proud of that.... As I have been told, my mother was supposed to be named Valerie as she was to be born on the 14th!.... A few minutes too late, she arrived on the 15th and Janet it was! Determined to have a daughter named Valerie, years later... Valentine's Day arrived... 9 months later... they were blessed with a little girl who was given the name my mother always wanted... Valerie... Valerie Lynn I will never have the opportunity to have my own children, but as it happens... Come this Valentines Day... I have a God Daughter... Alexandra Lynn.. Thank you Gigi & Chris... You are Angels... Valentines Day will always have a special place in my heart...

Everyday I say, live for the moment, cherish what you have, love those in your life. Yesterday I stopped and just cried. I think it was partially I have tomorrows surgery overtaking my mind... regardless... I thought about all the things I have left undone, letters half writen, completed and undelivered, calls unmade. Why have I not finished so many things. I feel like I've failed my own beliefs, the; live each day as your last. What if it becomes your last? Did I say all I have wanted? Did I complete all my achievements? I can't allow myself to fail... myself! Don't let things go until tomorrow... Don't put off until tomorrow what you are completely capable... have the time to... can finish RIGHT THIS MINUTE! This is your time... Tell them you love them... chase your dream... remind yourself you are capable... I believe in you... I believe in me... I believe in everyone.. We are all so able to change this world.. I love you... This day is truly a gift... Unwrap all it has to offer...

I guess it is because I find myself so thankful lately for all I have, I realize the beauty and true thankfulness I have for real friends. Not the friends you have only in good times, but what I think I call "bad time" friends. The ones that aren't afraid to love you at your worst. Hold tight when you, though don't mean to, push them away. When you feel so disgusting and completely unloveable... that they love you most. Those friends, those are the ones that you hold in that little spot in your heart reserved ONLY for those you want to treasure forever. Not the convenient friends, sometimes friends, fake time friends... My soul mate friends, treasure friends... hold hands through life friends... I can wrap my mind about growing old alone, but without the laughter and tears with my friends... That, that would shatter my heart... I hope they need me as much as I need them... That isn't a weakness... not a dependancy... it's life... They are my life... I love you...

I don't have much to write (especially for the fact that I have a HUGE cut on my pointer finger that is hindering much work taking place) but that I am thankful for those that love me, to have those that I love.. and I have never believed more strongly in fate than I do now... Everything we go though in life, all that we suffer through, have joy through, just about get through... it will be worth it... even if I am wrong... for today... It feels right. How can people not believe... Fate is only a few letters away... from Faith..

Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. - Kahlil Gibran It has been quite some time since I have updated, my sincere apologies. Between trying to maintain composure at work while feeling like I'm dying, doctors appointments none stop, constant pain, finding people have NO compassion, missing out on life... I've been exhausted. I haven't slept through a night in months and have yet to find a food besides crackers that doesn't make me feel like crap. I try my best everyday to put on my smile, dress my best, because when you do so, it truly helps... That isn't even the worst part, I can deal with all of the pain, the most hurtful, disappointing feeling...is being alone. Actions speak louder than words... I will remain to be a friend who offers and follows through on being there for everyone... But I will remind you, I will never forget that now, when I need you the most, I feel alone.... Just a text, a call, a note.... I am sorry if I have ever made anyone feel like this, or wasn't aware of how you felt... because I wouldn't want my worst enemy to feel like this... I will try harder... I want you to see the beauty in my heart...

Have you ever felt that moment when you get SLAPPED with reality? You realize that you've been sitting there, the world running circles around you as you sit still? No matter what circumstances I've come to, betrayed, hurt, I have NEVER given up the hope that I could trust. The more time passes, the greater the disappointment. I have this ridiculous belief that everyone wants a beautiful world... everyone wants kindness... everyone won't lie... I feel like people thrive on others pain... Enjoy and take pleasure in others failure... Why can't we be happy for each others success! Encourage each other to be better! Be each others biggest cheerleader! Find trust in eachother. Maybe I'm just exhausted of being disappointed... being lied to.. I will never give up in trusting people... I will never have doubt in seeing the best in others.. I will always be everyones cheerleader.. I DO BELIEVE in a better world... That.. is NO LIE... That is....The Beautiful Truth

Some people don't realize how much you care someone until they're gone. Never realizing that their love...their friendship....it surrounded you.. now what do you have of them? Memories. Why does this have to hurt so very much when it's supposed to be a good thing? Find ourselves dwelling on the past, when the future is what truly matters? Faint smells of cologne or perfume... a song on the radio... a movie.. a single word These little things make memories swarm back into your mind... You can't hide from this... They will always be there... No matter how far into the future you may be.... that scent, tune, film, word.... You can never forget someone who was in your life... You can't forget someone you've shared a part of your life with.... Friendship... love... cannot be forgotten... You can try... But you can't.... My father was talking to his best friend at work a few months ago right before he left.. They made a few jokes and parted ways, knowing they'd see eachother the next day... By the time he got home, my dad received a call that his friend had a heart attack and was in a coma.. Today is his funeral.. Always tell people what they mean to you.. You never know when a "Goodbye" is your last... My friends and family... I love you...

We have one chance at this life. I used to hold my grudges tightly and swear to never let things go that hurt me. Then I started to realize... holding this anger was no way to treat myself. Not only that, but how is my hostility fair to anyone. We all make mistakes and seek forgiveness. No one is perfect... More so... those that don't deserve our forgiveness... yet we learn to do so... When we have finally cut that FINAL tie that has bound us to them. We free ourselves! Forgiveness is a beautiful gift... not just to you.. but sometimes you find that you've missed someone... and suddenly... when a time comes to have to ask for or give forgiveness... There is NO question. The heart warms, the soul grows and suddenly... you realize that no matter the reason.... forgiveness is always the beautiful answer... Day by day I see that no matter how many mistakes may be made... I will always find it in my heart to forgive.. Everyone has their own story, a purpose for their actions, their words... seek to help them.... Forgive....

This last week, or few weeks I have been trying to take it upon myself to see what small differences I could make. I know that the start of a Foundation is HUGE, but to get there, you have to take small steps. One small action can make a tremendous wave... It is much like the Chaos Theory of a butterfly.. "It has been said that something as small as the flutter of a butterfly's wing can ultimately cause a typhoon halfway around the world ." That is much the effect of a small act of good... the effects are TREMENDOUS. Since October of last year I have been participating in any Charity or Foundation event that I have been able to. If there is a donation I can make towards one I am active in, I do what I can... but when there is something that touches my heart... I feel it burning constantly... When I saw the post (seen below)... I wanted to do something... not just "repost" it... I sent a message to Mattel.... Yes, they did answer me... but I'm still not satisfied... I need more... MY FRIENDS, MY FAMILY..... Today, tomorrow the next day... try to make one small difference... see what a great effect you can cause.. One person... one word... one action... can cause ONE BILLION ripples... Welcome the TYPHOON!... On March 24th, 2012 I wrote a letter to Mattel, the development team, and asked about a product such as this. I wanted to know why they had not pursued this years ago and what it would take to do such now. I volunteered my time and anything else they required, including my head. I offered to travel where ever may be and hand out said dolls to these little girls. I just needed to know that there was a doll out there, someone that they could hold and play with, like other little girls did, play dress up, that they didn't wonder, why don't I look like that. Today, Mattel wrote back to me. It was a great answer, but it's not the end for me. I need to know, do more. This is not a stop sign, but merely a yield... I will wait for my merge and watch me pass the traffic!!! Watch MY typhoon!!! Part of Mattel's response to me: March 28th, 2012 "We are pleased to share that next year we will be producing a fashion doll, that be a friend of Barbie, and will include wigs, hats, scarves and other fashion acc...essories to provide girls with a traditional fashion play experience. For those girls who choose, the wigs and head coverings can be interchanged or completely removed. We will work with our longstanding partner, the Children's Hospital Association, to donate and distribute the dolls exclusively to children's hospitals directly reaching girls who are most affected by hair loss. A limited number of dolls and monetary donations will also be made to CureSearch for Children's Cancer and the National Alopecia Areata Foundation. Through a thoughtful approach, we made the decision not to sell these dolls at retail stores, but rather get the dolls directly into the hands of children who can most benefit from the unique play experience, demonstrating Mattel's ongoing commitment to encourage play as respite for children in the hospital and to bring joy to children who need it most..."

After a long-awaited, fingers crossed, checking my e-mail everyday kind of anxiety, my Foundation has arrived! I will finally be able to make the difference I have been praying for! It won’t be easy, it won’t be instantaneous… but it WILL be worth it. One thing I am certain of… I will need all the help I can get! Its principal basis is to spread the word on anti-bullying as well as the practice of kindness and compassion. There is so much anger and hatred that is simply unnecessary. What I’d like to do is introduce programs in schools that have the highest rate of bullying and hope that they flourish and essentially… work! Go in and speak to the kids, motivate them to make a difference, put their energy in a different direction. In hopes of supplying these programs with information and materials for the format, I’d like to have fundraisers to help get these children involved as well as raise the money to establish the programs in these schools! This is going to be a huge program… and I anticipate a remarkable future… and a creation of victory! Who’s with me! I will begin to plan my programs to offer at the schools as well as other locations. If you have any ideas or would like to assist in the Foundation, I would LOVE that more than anything. Please send me an e-mail *valeriesdailyinspirations@yahoo.com * and I will get back to you! The first fundraiser will not be until August as of right now but I will have fundraiser bracelets and other opportunities to donate soon! Now get a move on to the Daily Inspiration! By the way, I will also have an update on Mattel and how I have been in touch! Some great news coming up! 4/11/12 With the thrilling news that Angels Without Wings, Inc. is now official, becoming the founder of such a significant cause, I am ready to run with this full force. I am going to need all the help and suggestions I can get. I need to know what you believe could be done better, something that can be instituted in schools to help prevent and end bullying. A program or activities to instill the importance of this frightening epidemic taking over that need be put to rest. If you were bullied, witnessed bullying or just have an idea you think useful, please let me know! I have put together some ideas for going into the school systems to speak at an assembly, but that is only the first step, I need more. Skits and words only go so far… I need to drill this so deep that they never forget. Together we can do this. I can’t do it alone. Also, if you are interested in helping or joining the committee, I would LOVE that. Please get in touch! ValeriesDailyInspirations@yahoo.com I could not have done this without every one of you… Thank you. I am in the works of designing jewels and bands to help fundraise so I can develop some products to hand out so please keep an eye out and help! My book is so close to completion that it’s making me insane! I need a straight week off for focus and I think that will finally be the point where I can leave my job and hope that it will be my support so I can place my focus where it belongs... changing the world… or at least changing a few lives for the better… Here we go! As far as my health has been I have some really great days… and some days I wish that I could just stay in a hole and numb all the pain. The medications, well I often wonder if they are all doing more harm then good but I have to do what I have to do. I appreciate all of the concern and will keep taking it day by day until the next surgery.

There has been so much going on in the last days, weeks, months, I have had to schedule time to eat and sleep! I don't think I could be more thankful for that. I have to thank my friends and family for their patience, more so putting up with my crazy-ness. I'm finally set up to accept donations on my AWW tabso if anyone can help it would be greatly appreciated. I will have band bracelets soon and anyone who makes a donation will receive one! All the procedes will go to products used in the schools, i.e. handouts, pamphlets, small items, as well as development for the program. Since this is a Non for Profit Foundation all of the records are public and I'm always willing to be open about everything this Charity will do and it's finances. It's intentions fall into the catergory of betterment of the community. I am working on a program to present to the school systems that I can deliver to the students; although I want to address my speech to them, I have also worked on pamphlets and information for the staff as well. Again, if anyone has any ideas or comments, I'm open to anything. ValeriesDailyInspirations@yahoo.com My book is, piece by piece, coming together and will be another step in this great project... I'm watching my dream come alive and to have all of you stand beside me, I can see this world a better place. Today I want to encourage all of you not to just follow your dreams... do not just walk towards them either... RUN Today's Blog is very differnt than my past ones; today I ask everyone to share a story of a time you felt bullied, saw someone bullied, or wish you stood up for someone being bullied. Show that no one ever has to stand alone. What would you do differently, how did it effect your life, what would you say to the children being bullied now, what would you say to the bullies? Feel free to leave it anonymous! If it is ok, at the end let me know if it is ok to use it as an example! I'd also like like to say, you are all, we are all survivors... Share... The blog will link you right back to the AWW Tab so if you go straight there, scroll to the bottom of the page. There you will find the box to participate! Together we can BATTLE BULLIES!

I've been thinking a great deal about how there are so many people we encounter in a day. Our coffee we grab in the morning, there are so many others there I began to wonder... what was their morning like? Did they wake up smiling? Did they sit up, look around and pray to get through the day? Are they hoping that today they will get the raise they need to be able to make this months rent? Is it their anniversary? Are they headed to a siblings house they haven't seen in years? Who is in here so sick they are counting their days down? Such stories surrounded me.. My mind kept spinning and it just got worse. I work in an area that makes me sad everyday. I watch homeless people walk by pushing shopping carts collecting garbage. (Of course I have the ones I've made friends with that knock on my window everyday and say hi!) The other day a middle-aged man knocked on my door and asked if we were hiring. I was very polite and told him he could write up a note of his qualifications, a resume if he had ,and place it in the mailbox; once the owner took a look, if interested he would contact him. I didn' t mention he wasn't well kept, had a un-shaved face and his clothes were very raggedy. There was a gentle tone in his voice, somewhat defeated and I could hear such desperation. As he walked away, the owner pulled up, I saw them speaking and cracked the window open. I heard him say we weren't hiring but good luck in his search. I could see this mans body, all 6'5" literally fall to 4' and walk away. All of a sudden there went my mind... how can he pay for his family? Where will he get food? Will he lose the heat in his home?... What if that were my father!? I could feel my chest tighten and I ran into the bathroom. The tears wouldn't stop. It didn' t end there. A few days had passed and the doorbell rang again. I pressed the speaker and a very quite voice came over the intercom. "I.i...i..... lo..o.oooo.k ... job.." It was a smaller young spanish man with such a heavy stutter he could hardly speak. I walked outside so he wouldn't be as nervous and asked what he was looking for. He had no experience but tried to explain he knew english and had a license. I told him the same, write down his experience and bring it in. He returned the next day so proud he came back and all he had written was his name, that he spoke english and he drove. I would have given ANYTHING at that moment to write down he was a master carpenter if I could for him.. In his van I could see at least 4 little heads. I told him I would do what I could. He thanked me in his sweet stutter and ran to the van. All the people that come to this office and are looking to work... are LOOKING TO WORK... They made me proud that they weren't just sitting home but showing insentive to try and support what they had... their families... But I don't just look and see people.. I look and feel people. What is on the outside.... that is just the case to a beautiful inside... I wonder what is in their hearts, going through their minds, what they are feeling.. I wish others had compassion... We are all people... all on this planet... together.. I guess I feel like a lot of people forget that... No one is less than another... We are ALL worth FULL price!

Here I am... sitting in tears wondering if it's ironic or just life - last week I was writing about how my heart was crying for those I was watching through my window at work wishing I could offer them a job... how much I loved my job and what I did... how blessed I was.... But, as most of you know, I was fired or as we will be politically correct "let go"... you also know the current circumstances I am putting myself though and it is breaking my heart to pieces everyday... ... I can't say thank you enough... thank you to the outpour of support and job offers! I am thankful that you, my friends and family, appreciate my quirky passion for life, my ups and downs, my life that always seems to have drama poking at it! I'm emotional and wouldn't have it any other way. I laugh hard, cry hard, love hard, work hard and above all... I live hard. I feel like I fell from the top floor of a skyscraper when I was fired and landed in mountains of pillows that were all wonderful thoughts, love and support from friends. These last two years just haven't stopped with betrayal, health issues and disappointments. That doesn't mean that I'm sad about it... it just means that I have more to be strong about! (With the book almost complete it will cover A - Z : hopefully including this year) I have been working so hard on this Foundation and now that it is here and I just emptied my bank account (perfect time to be fired) to get it off the ground... I can't give up. As I had noted last week as well, the first meeting will be next month and there have been SO many people willing to join this team of Angels! I can't WAIT!!!!... This weeks appropriate quote... and why I will always believe that the butterfly ismagic... Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over ... she became a butterfly.. Well... I just found mywings! Watch me FLY!

I want to emphasize today's thought on passion, drive and motivation. It is such a tremendous feeling... to have your blood rush through your body knowing that you have a dream, an achievement that you want to accompolish. My mind has been racing for hours, days, weeks now. As soon as I was "let go", I thought my heart died from betrayal, but in reality it was being set free to conquer greater things than I had ever imagined. I was being trapped in the coccoon, my wings picked at while trying to grow. How can you trap such ideas, energy that burns with excitement and desire, love for life, a quest for compassion and such drive that nothing will ever stand in the way? Fear. Fear of letting such a creature take flight. Fear of the unknown. Well this, this was no frightening creature that was let go but a exquisite, strong, glorious butterfly that is ready to travel the world. One that is going to fly where no one have seen, smelled, touched or has been able to allow the wind to even brush her wings... I want to share my heart with all of those that have lost a piece of theirs from others that have torn it apart. Ripped, picked at, seeing no hope left. I want to conquer bullying. This butterfly has had her coccoon used as a punching bag, chew toy, football and toilet brush. Just as my wings were spreading they have been ripped again. It is time to heal and have everyone fly together... Let's create a massive typhoon on the other side of the world... if one butterfly's flutter can do so.. Imagine an entire swarm!!! I just wanted to say thank you once more for the flood of kind words, e-mails and offers during this time. The stress took such a toll the last few days that my body, with such a weak immune system has crashed. I just have to take it easy and hope that my fever breaks soon! I'm ready to follow my dream!

Not that I want to go back nor harp on my being fired, but I want to run some cliches by you. When it happened I was inundated with,"eveyrthing happens for a reason" and "when one door closes another door opens" and a few others. I do believe all of those and kept trying to remember those everytime the first tear started to fall. But how come the saying "Do as I say not as I do" has become so popular? If a parent doesn't show love... that child will never show love If a parent a parent loses their temper... that child will lose their temper If a parent yells at another adult... that child will yell at another child As I quoted earlier today with "To Whom It May Concern": Be careful of your words, they become your actions. Be careful of your actions, they become your habits. Be careful of your habits, they become your character. Be careful of your character, your character becomes your destiny. Use your voice wisely today...choose words of kindness. It will be a chain reaction.

The strength one must have to survive so many obstacles is remarkable. I can't imagine what some people must go through and keep such a positive disposition and smile on their face. It is the "never give up" mentality. It is a beautiful mentality. I have met so many incredible people with such strong wills, strength and faith that there is no way when you are around them can you think negative of a circumstance. Be it health, life, family or anything that you feel you has defeated you, they provide the extra umpf you need to realize you can't give up. If everyone can realize that no matter how hard you fall, how low you feel or how many obstacles you face, they will only cause you to falter and make you stronger. Listen to your voice and tell yourself everyday, I am wonderful, I am strong, I am me. I will never give up.

I don't know where I would be right now without the support of my friends. It has been a tremendous mountain to climb and I'm on the slope ready for the sled ride down! I was offered a job a few days ago and had to decline, I realized afterward it was because I had lost complete confidence in myself. After thinking about it, how dare I let ONE person make me feel inadequate when, here I am, trying to stop bullying. Not days later I have been interviewed by a local paper and was contacted by a magazine to write for their inspirational section. How could I let someone break my spirit when they themselves find no fault of their own. As stated above, "the greatest fault is to be concious of none". Some of the kindest and most beautiful people I know have suffered and are suffering from the same cruelty and it must stop. Next week I am going to see the movie Bully with some very close, incredible friends who have been affected by this. Not only will it be hard to watch, but it will be all too real. Unfortunatley, the wrong people are going to see it. It is not the ones with such incredible compassion and sympaty that should be attending... but those that feel they have no faults or failings, the ones who have destroyed others. Please remember everyday that passes, you have the opportunity to help someone. Be kind and remember that everyone has their own story. No one is perfect. Imperfection is perfection... it's beautiful.

The gearing up, printing this, folding that and preparing for the launch of Angels Without Wings at Wayne Day.... is over. Sunday was not only fun but a great success. I received a tremendous amount of positive feedback not only from organizations, schools and other leaders about joining them, but from parents who shared their stories with me. Some things I heard were heartbreaking, stories you wouldn't imagine but only see on the news. Never could I have done this alone, my parents came out Saturday as we drove out on to the field of Wayne Valley H.S. to put up my tent and table. Praying no fingers were lost, it was a success! I arrived Sunday, the 3rd, at 7:30 a.m. to set up. Not minutes later my parents arrived to help me set up the interior of the tent, staying with me to make sure I wasn't alone. Then, one by one, my angels started to arrive!!! Kathe, Bettina (her two assistants), Jen, Angela, The Mari Twins, Joann ( her assistant), Luke, Stephanie, Elena and Lisa! They all came and helped for the day or as much as possible. Giving up their time for this and I couldn't be more thankful... To all that came to support me... There is something special in the heart of people that care about others. It did not go unnoticed... It did not go unwarrented... and I want you to know that I appreciate it... more than you know. To the teachers that came from as far back as 1991 through 2000... who remember the smallest details of what I had done, worked towards and given... You have provided me more drive and gusto! I am determined to make a difference. I'm well aware I can't change the world, certainly not alone. But I know DAMN well I can make one hell of a difference and I have NO fear. From my interview last week not only was I on NJ.com, there was a publication in Wayne Today as well as the William Paterson University Alumni web pages. The opening statment on the Alumni web page, " From Cinderella to an Angel Without Wings - alumna Valerie Krsulic '07 will be debuting her foundation, Angels Without Wings, at Wayne Day this Sunday, June 3rd." This was not something I dreamed up overnight.. Not something that is trendy due to its current public awareness... My first group is STILL being practiced called "A Better Way" started in 1996! I have been working so long and hard on this... only death will stop me. As Mother Teresa said.. "If you can't feed a hundred people... feed just one" If we work together... Imagine the possibilities!

As a new day has arrived so has a fresh start. I had just written an entire page on a specific topic that I have come to notice recently and realized: I just wasted my time. We live everyday to learn a new lesson. I will always be shocked at the way people respond to an opinion. I will always be shocked at how many people are not afraid to use curse words and vulgarities regardless who may read or see them. Lastly, I will always be shocked that they had no reason to do either in the first place. More so, that bullying is not only among children but continues into adulthood. This is not only my opinion, but was told to me by many people I have spoken to on this topic. If we can't be civil how can you expect children to do so? OF COURSE they won't if you aren't. If you tell me it will never work and you teach your children the same, then you are part of the problem. As we are raising our children we have to teach them to be fair to everyone, that we are all different, not make people feel bad. Teach them how to play with others and share never exclude, include. It is imperative that it starts from the early stages, build the core. If you start out discouraged that bullying will never end, then you are right. Raise a hero.

I have found that everyday has become more and more beautiful as I have been on this venture. I breathe lighter, I walk with more grace and those around me are simply incredible. Most of my time in the last few months has been going into the Foundation but has also gone into so many other Charities and people in need that it has been the greatest fulfillment of my life. Last night I went to see one of my closest friend's daughter in her talent show. When I arrived she was so proud that she introduced me, to what seemed to be the whole school, her friends. To see the love, excitement, happiness in her eyes and spirit, was sheer beauty to me. Watching them run around and play tag, hearing the word "cooties" again, I could not stop smiling the entire time. When the lights dimmed, she sat beside me almost the whole performance of the younger grades rather than with her friends. Every time she stood to go greet and hug someone new, she apologized and said she'd be right back. I explained I was just a guest and to go have fun! The heart of an angel, pure gold. It was simply beautiful to be surrounded by so many kids that were so supportive of each other. I felt refreshed. I even heard kids standing up for each other. The smile never left my face. Until the kids left and I remained surrounded by parents. I have never heard such negativity from the mouths of people about others children in my life! It was a disgrace. I think I'm starting to understand more and more where this "bullying" is stemming from, the words and put-downs. I just never thought to hear it there when they don't know who is surrounding them. What if that were my child? What if I said something of yours? Is this what you teach them at home? I am truly thankful for the children I was with last night and I hope they are never tainted by the ugliness I was surrounded with. To the parents, grow up. These kids have to realize that all of them, everyone, is good enough and should accept each other no matter what they are capable of. Never teach them to tare people down because they will never be as good as them. They are all children... they all deserve a chance.

What we are able to accompolish when we have people standing behind us is incredible. To have friends and family supporting you, no matter what you are looking to achieve is a truly rewarding gift. Encouragement is such a tremendous blessing to offer. It shows strength, hope, great love and above all provides confidence. If we as a group are able to show children that they are capable of any dream or goal they have wihtout any type of discouragement, I think there would be much less anger. Ok, forget showing children, can we start showing that to eachother? As adults we must learn to work together, become a team. That way we can become this incredible machine that the following generation and thereafter can look up to us. All we need is to encourage eachother, show some support and stand by one another. Fly together.

~6/12/12~ This is the moment. Think right now about nothing else but what your dream is. What is your dream goal? Have you achieved it? Are you chasing it? Are you currently working towards it? Do you even know yet what it is? Today is the day. There is no past, no yesterday, this is you right now. What you have become of your thens, whens and has beens. We are so often concerned with our jobs, our cars, our homes, that I think it is forgotten what we really wanted in life. Don't let yourself down because there is only one you. How blessed are those people who have gotten to meet you, know you, have you in their lives... Don't let YOU be the one who ends up let down by who you become. You have so many that will encourage, support and stand by your side no matter what you may hope for. Don't let anything stand in your way, not people, fear and above all, you. You may be able to jump and score your goal in one swift kick or it may take a full year of training and coaching, foul balls, bruised legs and sweat. But even traveling that road to your dream feels like such an accomplishment you are truly a winner already. You had the drive, the confidence and the determination to chase what you hoped for, to never give up. One of the very few even able to say that. As I said, today is a new day, this gift to you. Unwrap it...

Over the last few days I have been introduced to, met, come across so many different and new people. All wonderful, kind, funny and caring people. When you meet someone, to be able to have an open heart and mind, feels like a blessing. I can't imagine it any other way. To hear nasty remarks about someones color, religion, sexual orientation, etc. I can't believe that it still happens. Not that I'm "stupid" and don't know that it does, but so bluntly and loud enough to intentionaly hurt someone! Not only do they not know these people, yes, people like everyone in this world, but why do you want to inflict pain on purpose? Switch shoes my friend. In fact, let's switch your mothers or little brothers shoes and pretend you heard someone say that about your family, how does that feel? Perhaps a few minutes later one of your friends comes up and introduces you to that person you just made a rude comment about and it happens to be THEIR friend. Does your dirty foot fit in your mouth? We are all people. We all have red blood. We all have a heart that keeps us alive in the same world. Be blessed you can even speak those words, that itself is a gift. Some people walk with pain everyday, can't hear, can't see and smile just because they are alive. Don't worry about others, worry only for yourself. If anything put a smile on their face. Who cares about anything else.

It has taken me so long to get where I am today. It may not seem much to others but to me, I am finally arriving at my destination. I have discovered that people remain so consumed in their past that they refuse to move forward and see what lies before them, resort to old habits and, as old sayings may have it, the leopards will never change their spots. I have given up on myself so many times to be with, help or try to save others and I can't allow that to change me as no one should allow anyone to do so. Remain true to what you believe, what you want, what you hold in your heart as real. I form my own judgements. I create my own opinions. Above all, I love everyone without question. Never allow yourself to feel sorry for doing what you know in your heart is right. Work hard, love kind, laugh loud and always be brave. If someone you love, truly loves you, they will never make you feel bad, but always show you the support you deserve. Only surround youself with people who see the best in you and reflect that so brightly! Never feel bad for being you. Encourage all to follow their dreams, embrace their inner beauty and share their love of life. There will always be and only is one of you... and it is the most beautiful there ever will be!

Welcome to July everyone! This is going to be a BIG month! I will be getting everything into print! Angels Without Wings will be ready to go into the schools this fall! Not only packets and flyers for the students, but something to leave with the staff. This is where I have to reach out for a little bit of help, the start up if you will! As you know (or maybe not yet) we will be hosting a car wash on Saturday, July 28th. That will be the very first fundraiser! The only other funds that have been used to start this Foundation has been all out of pocket. All of the printing, awareness bands, event presentations, even the incorporation itself. To help start up the Angels Without Wings Foundation, to have a better outreach and for us to be able to send the packages to more schools, please purchase your wrist bands and/ or make your donation today! Every little bit helps! I also wanted to talk about how amazing and encouraging I have found my friends to be. Not just of myself, but of eachother. The events that we all attend together, i.e. fashion shows, launchs, (as you find on the events page) etc., are not just for the dresses and make-up, lights and cameras, partys and fun as misconstrune. But the money goes to a selected charity... it provides awareness. It is always a benefit for all. Most of us participate not only because we want to help eachother, but because we have all been affected by one of the charities in one way or another. Everyone that surrounds me is not just a positive energy, but pushes eachother to follow their passion. Truly a support to eachother. No matter how busy we each get, or if we are caught up in our work, on our own path, we never take anger. Simply a congratulations on the drive and ability to cease their dream. Thank you dearly to my friends and family as you water this seed everyday and inspire me to bloom!!!

The last week I have been non-stop. To the point I had to schedule sleep time. I am not complaining at all! Every stop I was seeing people that I love more than anything. Each event that I attended, took part in or helped with were all benefiting a charity or supporting someone close to me. When you surround yourself with positivity even on a bad day, you know that it will always get better. On the worst day's, the ones when you want to give up, give in, you must keep going. Never let someone tell you, "you can't". When you love life, life loves you back. I will not lie, I have days that I look at myself in the mirror and I ask why. Why am I trying so hard to do the impossible... Why do I care so much about something that will never be achieved... Why? Because I have faith. I have faith in myself and I have faith in others. Even if I can save or change ONE life... I saved or changed one life. Imagine the one little boy who was walking home to kill himself and the other boy helped him carry his books rather than make fun of him. That small action saved his life. It may not mean much to the world... but to that little boy... to his family... to THEM that MEANS the world. Yes, I have faith. Everyday is a gift, a day for me to change andsave one life. Everyday is a day to stop and realize what beautiful opportunity it is to be alive. Stopand smell the weeds..

You can work so hard... so long... with all of your heart... and wonder everyday if your dream will ever come true. It has been since 1996 that I have dreaming of making a difference, change one life. I started small and worked hard at building something that would bring people together. If I had given up at any point, which I had come so close so many times, I would carry such great regret. You must never give up. No matter how dark it may seem, cold the world may feel, if your heart believes in it you can achieve anything you dream.

There are somedays I'm sure you think... what am I doing?... I used to think that everyday... Perhaps that thought crosses only once a week now... and only when I'm ready to try something new! Once you grab to a dream... a path... a goal... GO! Be brave and don't let anyone or anything hold you back. Your heart will give you all the power you need to follow in the steps of your destiny. You create your destiny... no more what ifs... only this is what I dids! If you ever have a taste of fear or nerves and you feel alone... There will always be someone telling you... keep going!!!! Someone that believes in you.. and if no one does... BELIEVE IN YOU! There is no dream.. hope... goal that is unattainable is you believe and are brave enough to go after it. I believe in you... If you jump... I'll jump...

7/23/12 That is the first thought I want to offer you today "I AM FBULOUS". Think that ten times before you attempt to accompolish something. YOU ARE FABULOUS! If you believe in yourself... anything is possible. Half of the battle is having faith and believing in ones self. No matter how many may tell me I can't... I will never let my heart believe that. Don't allow anyone to hinder your dreams... they are YOURS for a reason. Please come out and support the CARWASH this Saturday so we are able to allow those that have lost a voice begin to believe in themselves again. We need to encourage faith, compassion and above all... the ability to believe in oneself.

Never give up on a dream. Never give up on what you love.. Never give up. Do what you believe in and never let anyone tell you differently. What you give you get back. Give your whole heart and it will come back. Give it all... it will all come back.. Life is a loud and boisterous echo...

Everyday, if you pay close attention, you can learn so many lessons. We are taught from the smallest action of another to every action we make. I wrote about the kitten living with us the other day and how she shows such unconditional love. She has taught me an amazing lesson. Everytime I open the door that tiny little ball of fur hiding huge green eyes runs so fast that she falls over her feet (that are far too big for her body) just to be swept up in my arms and snuggled. She doesn't care what I'm wearing, if I did my hair or makeup, if I showered, how much money I have, where I went to school, what religion I am... she just loves unconditionally. As I hold her close to my heart I can hear her loud purr saying thank you for loving me. When we can start loving eachother regardless of differences, that is when we will realize we are all so similiar. Treat everyone you meet as if you were meeting yourself for the first time... be patient,be kind.... be that kitten. Love unconditionally....

I have a lot on my mind today and wanted to write about so many things... but after I read the blog I posted I had some flashbacks. It brought me back years and made me think of all I went through to be where I am today. It truly hit home. If certain things hadn't happened, would I be here? If I hadn't taken that turn, would I know the people I do? I'm thankful for my hardships, tests and pain. I would never be able to be as strong as I am or as thankful as I am if I hadn't walked the road I did. I also wouldn't know the amazing people I do. Remember that there is always someone going through much more, struggling to put food on the table, to keep the cable on, to clothe their children. You are blessed and you are strong. Everything happens for a reason...even if you can't figure out why just yet! Be patient...

After my father left last week I couldn't stop crying. He had gone many times before, but this time was different. The dynamic of our household was going to be completely lost. Don't get me wrong, my mother and I are having a lovely time with girl fun, but there is still a void. I've found that my mother and I have ourselves depending on eachother tremendously. We have always had a bond, a special friendship, but as the days are passing we are finding that more than mother and daughter, we really are best friends. Learning things about eachother that, after all these years, never knew or perhaps never wanted the other to know. Where is this going?.... My father going home for a month was a blessing in disguise (though heart-breaking). It gave me and my mother time to find out how much we can really depend on eachother and find that we will forever have a beautiful and special bond. Sometimes things happen so we can find out who we can always depend on, true friends, true family... Even the most simple things, like sitting and watching tv are the most beautiful moments. Cherish them...

Everyday is a new adventure. Everyday we witness a miracle. Everyday is a gift. We meet new people, try new things and have new feelings. I read a quote yesterday that really had an affect on me striking a personal nerve. As seen as cover... I find this to be remarkably true and unbelieveably accurate. There are many things we don't know about people and before anyone has a right to judge, speak or rumor about anyone, seek the truth. Everyone has a past, a story, there is a reason behind everyones actions whether you have taken the time to read right from the "Once upon a time" or if you chose to start at the "and she had a beautiful gown and looked happy"... I stretch myself thin and do all I can not because I like to be tired and worn, have no time for myself, but becuase I know what it's like to have no one there for me. As well as the quote above... Read the whole story before jumping to the end... The characters in the stories all deserve that... You deserve that too...

Those who have saved one life, have saved the entire world. -Tibetan Proverb Wake up and look outside. Breathe. That is a gift. To wake up is a gift. Far to many people don't realize that to be alive and part of this world, have a family, have friends, a dream.....is more of a blessing than they understand. Instead they focus on others, what their failures are, mistakes they have made, and how to tear them down. Focus on the beauty, on yourself, on those around you that inspire you, family... How much time do you think you have? What will happen tomorrow? Don't focus on the negative.... focus on the best in you, others, the world.... Otherwise.... you are missing out on the best gift you have ever received....

It has been amazing the amount of deciet one can encounter in such a short amount of time. Then I think... We must know what heartache is to know what true love is... We must know what betrayal is to know what being a true friend is... We must know what hurt is to know what kindness is... I feel no need to bring others down so I feel better.. I feel no need to speak ill of others to people with the intention of making myself look better.. Sometimes people are so worried about what everyone else is doing and saying... that they forget their own reflection. Remember to be the fairest, not of them all, but to yourself... also... the smallest minds discuss people... As posted a few days ago... I have been silent too long and as my voice has returned... I have become fearless to speak loudly... Have you been kind? Watched your words? Watched your actions? A voice is the most powerful thing and I have unleashed a powerful weapon... What will you be fighting with today? Speak up... speak loudly... the more voices the louder the cry...

For those of you that don't know, last night was simply remarkable. An evening of dancing, celebration, laughter, family and love. There was the launch of a magazine here in New Jersey called Vicissitude, meaning Real. This was the 4 year anniversary edition and I was blessed and honored to be on the cover. Inside there was a spread and an article on the Foundation. The premise of this magazine is pushing yourself for what you believe in and working hard to get it. There will always be someone telling you that you will never make it, voices of others that will try to bring you down. Listen to your heart... that is where the truth is. Surround yourself with happy, positive people and your life will change forever. Thank you to all that have supported me and especially those that never left my side... I love you. Please take the time to read the Daily Inspiration today as well as Check out the upcoming events below! Including an auction for a date with me!

I have been thinking a great deal about the relationships people have. Not just couples, but friendships as well. Loving unconditionally is not a trait in very many people, but when you surround yourself with people that do, your life shines. You go to bed feeling blessed and still wishing you could have done better. After doing my interview with Cindy and finally being able to speak about my past and current issues and my friends still accepting me as who I am... amazing. All of us, as our circle is always growing, have such different personalities, quirks, lives, yet we would do anything for eachother. With all relationships come great compromise and that has always been something I was taught and I believe that has been a great trait to have. It goes along with trust, forgiveness and generosity. You can't just take, you must give. Even if it means just giving an ear to listen. Be thankful for those around you, never take them for granted. Hug someone today and remind them how special they are.

I don't know about you, but fall is my favorite season and October my favorite month. It is just magical. The beautiful colors, the smell in the air, pumpkin and apple picking, hay stacks, corn stalks, and just the joy of being outdoors. I want to ask all of you to embrace the beauty you can find outside. Go with friends, family, or as I have done, alone. Appreciate this gift around us and just slow down. Life is not a race. It is not a competition. There is no first place. Lay out a blanket, bring a picnic, and laugh with your children... Laugh with your friends... Play cacth and enjoy a sandwich... You get one day at a time... That is first place. Happy Fall.

The last few days have been extremely trying. As I have written about on my AWOW facebook page, since my amazing interview with Cindy Mich, the awareness of what I struggle through has become highlighted. If you have not taken a few minutes to listen you will not know what I'm speaking about. I opened up to suffering from several things on a daily basis, one being very controversial. Not only is it rarely spoken about, but severly mis-understood and used in the wrong context. I have been writing down many different ways, over the course of the last month, in how it truly takes over my social life, daily life, and physical life. I can see it, feel it, hear it... but can not change it. On top of day to day living, I deal with the physical pain of the disease, endometriosis. I fear that people think just because you can't see any problems on the outside, they think everything is ok. "If you don't look sick, you are not sick." That is ignorance. Behind every face, every smile, every tear.... There is a story... there is a pain. Do not speak ill of others, do not hurt others... Some of them are hurting enough. The only disease that should be spread is a smile... they are the most contagious...

I just want to remind everyone that Thursday, October 18th is our first Board and Volunteer meeting for Angels Without Wings (AWOW). All are welcome to attend, if you would like to join but are unable to be present please contact me. There seems to be an increase of awareness to all the bullying around us, yet there is not enough action. I don't understand how there are all these new laws, children begging for help, videos posted and still nothing is done! I got the amazing news a few days ago from one of the local Board of Ed's to come in to set up a schedule throughout the district. I also will be arranging with the Boy Scouts, fingers crossed, in Bergen and Passaic County. Friday I will be meeting with a Girl Scout Troop, and I won't stop there! But remember, YOU can make a difference. Be aware of your surroundings... Listen to everything around you... Stand up for those who can't and speak for those who are silent. Always use kindness and teach compassion. All our voices together will be heard... All the candles lit will burn the brightest...

I just want to thank everyone who commited to and came out for the Volunteer and Board Meeting. As things have been very busy and I was sick for a bit, I will be sending everything out shortly. More importantly, I want to wish everyone safety during this storm. I drove through the towns yesterday and was devastated, yet thankful to see all of the preparations taking place. Emergency crews are already in place, stores out of stock as homes are ready.. but sadly... I visited businesses that JUST re-opened from the last storm. The owners are terrified of what is on the way. I am sending all of my prayers and good luck wishes their way.... Should anyone need help after the storm passes please contact me as I will be available for cleanup work... Again... please be safe and take all the precautions available.... Love and Swimmies...

During this time, it is remarkable how people are coming together to rebuild after a tragedy. New Jersey has just faced a horrific storm and many are still without power, heat, water... and a home to return to. In a time of need it is a blessing to know that people can turn to eachother, turn to strangers, turn to anyone and we can become an instant family.... believe in eachother. As we are slowly returning to our day to day activities there is still that silent hum of "what can I do"... There are so many options of how to help. Keep an eye out and an ear open.... there are still so many in need and you can be the one to help! Like the snowflakes.... individually they melt away... but together they can build the fort that lasts!

For the next few days I want you all to realize how blessed you are. To be able to sit in a warm home with a roof over your head. Eat a warm meal and be surrounded by laughter. Have access to clothing and electricity. Even though we were devastated by storms and lost belongings... we are still so lucky to have eachother to support one another. There are still so many people that never had a roof to lose... There are still so many people that never had food to starve... We are beautifully blessed and even if only today... just look around and remember... You are so blessed! I love you...

No matther where my days take me, I do the best in my ability to brighten someones day. Be it a smile at the store, holding the door for someone at the bank, or even picking up someones coffee tab at the counter. Just being able to lift someones spirits is a chain reaction... they will pay it forward. If we could cause a massive ripple effect, though it wouldn't cause world peace, it may make life a little easier. Less road rage, fist fights, family feuds, etc. Do one random act of kindness each day and find how much lighter your heart begins to feel.... Plan ahead! Something kind for a friend or family member... The best gift you can give is expecting nothing in return! Hugs and Halos!

I hope that everyone is as stuffed as their turkeys were. The first thing I must start with is as I watched the news yesterday, I could not stop sobbing. These were tears of happiness. There were so many beautiful acts of kindess, it was remarkable. If there was only some way we could get the world to act as though everyday were Thanksgiving! Use this weekend to reflect on all that you have and be thankful for everyone around you. We are all so blessed. Remember... you are never alone. Hugs and Halos!

As the holiday season approaches, I feel such joy and light in my heart. I wish that it wasn't all about gifts, but more so about giving. Giving hugs, giving help, giving love. As this year comes to an end I realize that my life has completely changed. I am so thankful for the direction I have been led, though I never planned it. My friends have become my family and without them I'd be lost. Angels Without Wings is doing fantastic and as I prepare to start in the schools, working with small groups and individuals has been the most rewarding job I've ever had. I have an outstanding board and incredible volunteers! Hugs and Halos!

Over the weekend I was blessed to participate in so many events that were to benefit so many different people! On Friday I was part of My Dolly and Me. It was a fashion show for little girls to express who they were through their clothes or an outfit provided by TuTu Boutique and inspire confidence. They walked with their dolls and I had the honor to announce their names, ages and what their hobbies were! I also had a WONDERFUL time playing and dancing with all of these little princesses! The following evening I hosted a party for my birthday (though last month, Sandy interrupted!) and all who attended brought a gift to be donated. They will be delivered to the Save our Sisters battered womens shelter; All their children will have gifts for Christmas. Last night I had a blast walking the runway while filming Housewives of NJ with some very dear friends of mine. We were able to raise a great amount for the 50/50 so not only did the winner walk away happy, but so did the charity! It has been an amazing season so far! Keep the gift of giving going! If all you can give is a smile, give it all you've got, sometimes that is the best gift to give!

It all began on Friday, December 7th when I traveled out to Stroudsburg Intermediate Elementary School. I met with students that have been teaching fellow classmates about bullying, how to recognize, report and the effects of. The PDS teachers had been working with them and held a special fundraiser for Angels Without Wings which successfully raised an amazing amount of money! On Friday, not only did I have the honor of meeting with them, being presented the check, but also met with some amazing performers teaching about anti-violence! Being able to speak with them, watch the reactions and be part of something so tremendous made me realize I'm on the right path. (Visit the facebook page for all the images!) On December 8th, I took a trip into the city to participate in Cupcakes that Care. It was magical to see so many people that want to make a difference and have put in so much time and dedication, especially around the holidays. You can read all about it HERE or see some special interviews HERE If you'd like to see a special video interview about the Foundation click below! I'm halfway through!

I sat down at the desk in my office this morning and I gazed out the window, puzzled why there was no longer snow, not even rain falling and I saw my tree, Guinevere. Don't laugh and don't worry, she is the only tree named. She was planted with meaning in the year 2000. My friends from high school that knew me ...well, I'm sure, already know, but if not, my senior year I played the lead role in Camelot.... Guinevere..... My parents, to show me how proud they were, planted a tree not only to show how I've bloomed but to show how I will continue to blossom. She is a pear tree and every spring she blooms these beautiful white flowers... she never fails. As I look upon her now I see one, ONE, leaf hanging there... dangling with all its' might. It was born a bud, grew, brought us beauty, blossomed, aged and though it is shriveled up, brown and torn... she is still beautiful. My Guinevere shows me the cycle of life. That even though she loses everything, she seems weak in bearing nothing but bare limbs...I know that she will come back stronger, bigger and even more beautiful in the Spring... Her beauty comes from within and then it shines on the outside... We all go through struggles and hard times... We fight our own storms, rain, winds.... but just remember... there will always be a bird that lands on our limb willing to sing a song reminding us better weather is ahead.... ♥ What tree will you be? ♥

I can't believe that it has been one full year that I have had my site up and such amazing support. First I have to say thank you to those that have stayed by my side through everything. As I look back at 2012 it was one of the worst, yet best years of my life. I saw the peak and rock bottom all within 12 months. It was so hard to share where I came from to where I am now, but words of survival are a common bond with everyone. We all have stories and pasts.... but they are gone... what is most important is our future.. Together we can build a beautiful place and somewhere that is safe for our children. The most fierce disease should be compassion and we should all be infected with kindness. Life is about living... have fun... laugh... smile... This is the last thought of 2012... BeaUtiful.... BE YOU!!!!! 2013 we will change the world!!!!! I love you and will never stop. Hugs and Halos!!! See you next year!!!!

12/28/11: Everyday, it feels as if I learn more and more the meaning of true friends.. The ones that you call family... You understand that you don't have to talk or see eachother everyday to understand... You can trust your life with them... I know that I am at diamond bottom (blog from a while ago) and I can't help but remember ... I have so many reasons to sparkle... Thank you to the beautiful people in my life that are so supportive... You know who you are... if not... Yes... It's YOU!!!! XOXO You remind me everyday... no matter how bad it is... I know there is a beautiful tomorrow!

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs; ask yourself what makes you come alive. And then go and do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." Howard Thurman 12/27/11: I hope everyone enjoyed their Holidays!... This was the most beautiful and amazing Christmas I have celebrated that I can remember... I am blessed.... On the other hand... I don't know about anyone else... but I can't wait for the New Year... Anyone care to toast to that?!!!?.... Here is to a fresh start... Never be afraid to get to the edge and just... trust.... Sometimes... you need a change in the weather...

12/19/11 As 2011 closes and 2012 approaches... I think of what a rollercoaster I have been on... No matter how bad it got, I am so thankful for everything I have, the friends in my life, the family with me, my job and that family, as well as all of the new opportunities that were given to me this year... I greeted this year with the flu, obviously an indication of what was to come. By March, I found out I had Stage Four Endometriosis. This is a disease in which lesions grow from you uterus out and onto your organs causing extreme pain. There is no cure, but can sometimes be relieved by laproscopic surgery, there are other options of injections and such (I'm on many other medications for other issues that would interfere that these are not an option for me)or a more permanent relief, a hysterectomy. I opted for the Lapiroscopy to see if it would cause relief, that surgery took place in May. I'm still in constant pain, leaving me no other option. In July I was happy to be starting the endeavor of following my heart and pursuing the completion of my book utilizing that to become a motivational speaker. I was going to publish my website and put things into action. I was out that night with friends celebrating and on the screen at the bar, I watched my doctor get arrested by the FBI. On the day following, I found that due to my being treated by her, no one would even engage in conversation with me. I finally called an old doctor's office from years ago, hoping that he would forgive my gong to a different doctor upon my return to NJ, his nurse answered the phone and when I requested to arrange an appointment... She informed me that he had killed himself weeks after I had left. I finally found another doctor and was blessed with the bestowment of a GodDaughter... I went to Florida in August to visit the baby in the belly and had to leave after only two days to try and get back to my family and doctor visits due to Irene. Flight after flight was canceled as I sat in the airport... when an attendant called my name, there was a seat up to Connecticut... As I arrived up North, they made an announcement that all of the roads would be shut down at sunset... that was in 45 miinutes... Flying... I made it to New Jersey. After the destruction of the hurricane, I took a trip to make sure that my grandfather had been evacuated and was safe... On the trip home, following police orders, I avoided a puddle and went around following the other cars... Mine... didn't make it. Due to the circumstances, I had to go back and forth through insurance, Fema, flood insurance, collision insurance. It was a disaster That was in August, in November I got my car back. Banged up and making noises. After 3 days, I rear ended a car... Four days later... my engine failed... I paid for a rental now for three months, and now to re-build my engine. I started to not feel very well again, I knew something was wrong. Granted in October I had shingles and still had pain in my leg from that... It was now November and I went to the doctor for some tests. My epstine barr was up so I was told to take it easy, right, me take it easy... It was also when my brother ended up in the hospital and my parents were out of the Country, so I had to play sister, mom, and housekeeper.. Come December my body hurts worse so I return to find I have bronchitis with first stage pneumonia, as well that someone emptied my bank account, yes, a month before Christmas. (Yes, they did credit me 60.00 because they also overdrafted almost 1,000 dollars, no, I haven't received anything else back yet) I called to install my auto starter in my car, already paid for and purchased, they were holding it for me. When no one answered the phone for days, I went to the shop. They have closed down. Full of stress, working hard, I can feel my body slowing down. I returned to the doctor Friday and he had me immediately in for treatment and held for a catscan the next day. Severe pneumonia and bed rest for two weeks. Merry Christmas and Happy new Year. I have not and will not let my smile leave my face... I know I still have many battles to ensue.. So long as I have my angels... I have everything... I will always have Faith!

12/15/11 Isn't it funny... How such silence can go by between friends, work, activities, events, life... But when you have the opportunity to see them, it is as if not one moment has separated you... That warmth, the kindness, such embraces, smiles... you feel... Home... To those that always open their arms... My friends and Angels....

12/14/11 I have written and deleted my thoughts for today a thousand times. I just keep looking at and reading the image above, thinking about what I am thankful for. Of all I have survived... this year was one of the hardest. My body is reminding me... The last three months I have been very ill and now I can barely fight back. I will never stop smiling or giving what I have, even though it many not be much. Please, even if all you have to offer is a smile, sometimes that is all someone needs to survive another day. Today's blog made all the difference for me...everyone has their "smile"...Share yours...

12/8/11 While we may not be able to control all that happens to us, we can control what happens inside us. ~Ben Franklin I read that quote over and over again, trying to convince myself that was true. But, I can't control what happens inside me. I cry when others are laughing, I always feel sad for the people I shouldn't, I give my all to help those who simply don't want it, I don't have that control inside.I cry too hard because I can feel what others feel, not just what I feel. I laugh loud, too loud, it's not just from my stomach, it's from my heart. I want to help others, not just to help them, but to show them they too, can help others. I feel sad inside for those that are hurtful to others, because I know that inside they have been hurt too. So although we may not be able to control what happens to us, We can control what happens to those around us. Be kind, show compassion, above all know that we make the difference... That brings me to the video today.... It brought me to tears... Not only does the devastation happen in other Countries... but there are those around us suffering in silence. Let's think about this not just now in the Holiday season... but during the times they are forgotten. (scroll down for link to Video or click the Video tab to the left) Today's Blog as well, will touch your heart.... Read on and share your warmth... What lies before us and what lies beyond us is tiny compared to what lies within us. Oliver Wendell Holmes 12/6/11: Do you ever wonder how the smallest gesture, slightest smile, simplest compliment can change someones entire outlook on their day, sometimes even life? I don't think people realize that just as strong as kindness is, is as hurtful as a cruel gesture is. Be cautious in your words and actions, leave a scar of love, not hurt.Who will you smile at today? Count your nights by stars... not shadows. Count your life with smiles... not tears.

12/1/11:Today I have decided to place my main focus into making sure that by the start of the new year Angels Without Wings is officially up and running. A Foundation that is for anti-bullying and promoting compassion- by providing motivational speaking to schools as well as having activities that encourage students to come together as oppose to tear apart. All fundraising will be social activities; raising money, food, clothing, etc. for the benefit of the school, family, or organization of their choice. The goal of Angels Without Wings is to show that everyone has the opportunity to save someones life. Today go out... be someones angel... Everyday...someone is mine... 11/29/11: I was starting the day off PUMPED after a great night at The Brownstone with some amazing people. We had a great evening! I modeled for Flawless Fashion (Images below) and was there with some other AMAZING vendors!!! All of their Links below too! Today I wanted to inquire why my card had been declined last night (dont worry, had a back up!) Someone, on Black Friday, had not only spent everything in my bank account, but went above and beyond and overdrafted! I feel betrayed, decieved, but more so, disappointed. I am the kind of person that if you ask, I will give. I also know that most of, if not all of, my friends are the SAME. To whomever did this disgusting act, I forgive you. I hope that you and your children are above all, healthy and happy. The holidays are coming and all I can pray for is that you have food to eat and a warm home. Forgiveness, does not show weakness, but strength. If someone does you wrong, keep in mind that everybody makes mistakes. Forgive and forget. No one wants to be around someone who constantly makes them feel guilty.

11/28/11 This past weekend was a weekend that I could not be more thankful for. Not only did I get to spend quiet time with my parents & brother... but with friends. I was blessed to have opportunities, these experiences I never thought imaginable and it made me want to give EVEN MORE to those who have nothing.I saw my brother provide acts of random kindess to strangers; my eyes welled up with tears... I had a permanent smile on my face. It's funny. Many people claim to read my page and have this insight on me, like I have a privilidged life; But when they find out I'm sick and have another surgery coming up, or that I spent last week in the hospital with my brother, or something that I've already written about- they are shocked. I chose to write about survival not only because I survived bullying, abuse, other issues addressed on this site, but medical conditions that I am still battling and will continue to. There are many silent suffers and many who choose not to be public about it and many who see the positive in it all. I only ask for patience and kindness, I only ask for what I try to give everyday. I love all of you my dear friends... that have given this to me... I am thankful. 11/22/11: What I leared this last few days, weeks, months even, is that people will come to you in the most unsuspect ways. When you most need them, least expect them. We find those people we will forever call friends. I have found more than that, I have found... Treasures. During the event hosted by the beautiful Kat, for Soles4Souls, you could see so many people coming together. It was amazing. Make sure you visit my EVENTS, CHARITIES & FUNCTIONStab to see the first video release from that night! Going into it, walking away from it... All of these opportunities to work with new Foundations... My life is changing, I'd say for the better, but I'm always trying to improve. We should always try to improve,. Not just for ourselves, but to help others... Who can you help today? BELIEVE, LOVE & ENCOURAGE YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TO FLY ALONE 11/19/11: What this past week has shown me: you will do your best, it will never please everyone you will feel beautiful, someone will point out a flaw you will complete a task, the next will undo it you will tell the truth, it will be called a lie you will give your all, it will be thrown away What I LEARNED from this past week: DO your best. Please YOURSELF YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL Every task is a learning experience Always tell the truth. Less to remember Give your all. Always. Everyday is your chance to start over. Start with you.

11/10/11: Give me another hurdle... I'm getting good... Not only do I believe and have faith... I have friends... ** It is incredible to know that no matter how far, how old or new, you have people, friends and family, which you can call and depend on. Yesterday when my car engine died (yes, again) I knew exactly who I could call, message and rely on. I wanted to cry, kick, and scream out how angry inside I was. But as soon as the State Trooper pulled up, I knew it was another angel along the way…*** I have to give special thanks to the friends and family who were INSTANTLY there calling each other to make sure I was safe, ok and made it home. Gigi, Chris, Matt E, Matty, Stephanie, Heather, Anibal, Fetus and Greg. (I know there are PLENTY more I could have called, but I had to acknowledge those that helped me yesterday!) Just on another note… I borrowed another car to use for work today.. guess what didn’t start this morning! Am I lucky or what! 11/9/11: We find out who really cares about us... The last week was such an emotional rollercoaster. It had such incredible highs, yet plumeted into these frightening disappointments. I wanted to turn my birthday into something good, rather than a birthday that sells a ticket and 5% of proceeds going somewhere, I wanted 100% of these donations going somewhere. I also wanted to give, out of my own pocket a small token of appreciation. People who told me they were coming or who RSVP'd, clicked attending, or even said they'd stop by, I made personalized Gift Bags. Even if they told me last minute. (I do apologize that I did leave a box at home with 10 in it as they will be mailed out, Steph and I were working on them Monday) When almost 25 people didn't show up, those bags remained on the table with the gifts still inside. It was a shame that so many others had shown up after changing plans, only because they tried to get there to support the event. At midnight, it was also my brothers birthday, I made sure that I had his name on a cake and that we sang to him. Yes, he was embarassed, but he has become one of my best friends... I don't understand how trying to do something good could cause so many people to become so negative. I had put so much work into this yet it wasn't good enough. I was so disappointed to begin with in the location, as I had not only CONFIRMED several times, but went there the night PRIOR to confirm again, had almost the EXACT amount of guests show. (That was only because just as many that were NO SHOWS, were surprise shows) But they double booked the room. My DJ was great but was not allowed to set up until an hour and a half later then we were told. I had left so many things at home as they would not fit in my car. The person who was supposed to come with balloons didn't show until a little later (with no balloons). I tried to BE happy, but inside, I was just... sad. The BRIGHTEST point was I knew who cared and MORE than that... ALL of the donations that were brought!!!! But at the end of the day...I was the person who was made to feel terrible. It reminded me of a story... I hope that some people realize they can't take back hurting someone... I know sometimes we never do it intentionally. I am the FIRST to admit that...I am very unaware sometimes but I always try to be concience of it. Just being hurt, scars to the core, and sometimes there is no chance to apologize...

11/1/11: Today I felt I had to write about giving. We are coming into that Season.. yes, I went there... It is 'Tis the Season!!!... But more so because I have found myself getting involved with so many Charity's...Fundraisers... Foundations... Somedays I will just sit outside and wonder... Am I doing all I can? Is it enough? What would have happened if Ben wasn't adopted? Will they find a cure for cancer? Can I give more of my time? Why do they have shelters for battered women everywhere, not for men? Sometimes I have to snap myself out of the speeding thoughts and realize... Does anyone else think like this? What about the children who won't get gifts this year? But believe so strongly in Santa... that they feel betrayed. They question if they were bad this year? The grown-ups who wonder why their children didn't come & bring their grandchildren home for dinner... chose somewhere else to go... They question if they didn't show enough love or have a nice enough home to be proud of... This year (coming up, 2012) I am going to make sure that I give my all, my everything to those that don't have... especially during the year when there ARE NOT Holidays. I will begin with the spirit in the Holidays, but make sure that when they may be forgotten, is when I put in most effort... IF EVERYONE does this!!! Just for a day even! Imagine what a DIFFERNCE we can make! I have been without..... My book is nearing completion so details will follow very soon... (My parents knew I was "ok", but never knew the extent of my situation, they NEVER would have stood for it. I never allowed then the details of how alone, penniless and struggling I was. I held my pride, never lost kindess, and compassion for others saved me) But, I have lived out of my car.... I have cried myself to sleep... I have seen the negative balance in my checking account... I have seen acts of unsurrmountable kindness... I have seen desperation... I have never allowed this smile to leave my face KNOWING that I could survive... It was in the darkest hours of sleeping on a towel in a motel, no electricity, the couch against the door with no lock, people banging on the window to get in at 2 in the morning... hardly running water... when I found out that some angels don't have wings... I was given a place to stay, free room service, close to work (where I had just started), a home for my cats and any length I needed to stay. They could see how hard I worked and that my heart was kind. A couple that owned a beautiful hotel happened to find out my circumstances wouldn't allow it. I thank heaven for them everyday. We all can make a difference.. save a life... change someones path... No matter how bad you have it... someone has it worse... I wonder if this was my Thank You... I'll never forget the Young Man and his Companion...

10/23/11: Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. ~Og Mandino I was inspired to write something about kindness not only because I truly believe in treating everyone with such, but because I have been seeing so many acts of kindness, as well as had it handed to me. It was amazing and I almost didn't know what to do! It was an INSTANT pay it forward!... I was in the city on Tuesday and running (very fast and in heels, not a happy camperoo!) and starving! I grabbed a NYC Hot Pretzel (yes, I was desperate and they smelled SO good!) and when he said 2.75 I didn't blink an eye and whipped out a 5. He went to hand me the change and I just told him to keep it! He looked at me almost in shock! Really, just keep it! I can't explain how happy he looked and it warmed my little heart right up! I must have looked very silly with a big 'ole smile stuffing a pretzel in my purse running in heels, trying to get up an escalator that was NOT working. I know you all know how HARD that is! It is just not right! SO I get up to the bus station and it is the LAST bus that runs to NJ... NO TICKET! I can't find it anywhere! My stomach is in my throat... I'm next in line... Tearing things out of my purse... OH NO! I'm next! I put my purse on the bottom step of the bus I look at the bus driver and tell him I DO have a ticket.... Tell him to just give me one second... his answer to me... Just get on the bus sweetie, it is fine... I was in shock... just in shock... Of course I insisted on finding it during my ride home.. As I said thank you and went to hand my ticket to the driver on my way out he simply said, "you keep that as a souviner, good night!" What goes around...comes around... If not for leaving my change with the pretzel vendor... would the bus driver would have allowed me on?... If not... Too bad I didn't get to eat my pretzel!!!! It was subject to a tossing during the raid of my purse looking for the ticket! 10/17/11:Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity. I have found in the last week myself in a whirlwind of life... I am by NO MEANS complaining... but have found my body screaming at me to SLOW DOWN... more than that... I find my head screaming I MISS MY FAMILY and again... my friends. I haven't had a moment for anyone and in saying that... I haven't had a moment for me. As busy and surrounded by life I am; how do I dare say I feel lonely? Caught in this rush I haven't been stopping and taking it in. I have incredible patience with everyone...except myself... Todays and this weeks request is to just STOP... stop and realize what is around us. One day... we will no longer be able to stop and enjoy the moment. Stop... Stop and smell the roses... Have patience with those that are busy... Sometimes... they are wishing more than you know to just STOP... Today... STOP... Enjoy the beauty that is all around WIthout the busy days, we would not appreciate the breath of relaxation. Without the rain, appreciate the rainbow. Without the sadness, the happiness... Stop... enjoy life. You never knowWhat Else You Are Missing... 10/25/11:Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old. -- Franz Kafka People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. -- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross I enjoy that everyday I meet someone who inspires me. Someone, more than someone... many... who reminds me... all of us...why we have taken the path we have, made decisions we have, chosen to change our lives. Today was not just a reminder, but a blatent SLAP IN THE FACE as to why I chose the direction I have. Tomorrow (probably Thursday) I am going to present the first excerpt from my book. It is, as frightening and as much as I always pray no one faces it, comforting to know, we truly are not alone. Today's story (blog) reminds us that you NEVER know where you may be one day... Be thoughtful, kind, and compassionate in your actions... Someone is always watching... Shine your beauty from withing... Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts. -- Martin Buxbaum

10/12/11:I think that as we grow older, myself in particular, find that we have the choice to grow up or grasp on to our child like antics. Now, please don't get me wrong, there is a time and place for maturity! As well as it being required and nesicary at some points. But there are moments when I can feel the wind blow, or the rays of the sun, the taste of a popsicle, and I get a RUSH, that RUSH from when I was a child and I want to just dance on the sidewalk! I want to sing the opening Theme Song to my favorite cartoon! More so, I want to share it with everyone! Life is far to short to be anything but happy! Yes, there are days that are so unbearable we wonder why we have to wake up the next day. That is why it is so important to remember the days you dance! Dance on the sidewalks of NYC. Dance in the aisle of the supermarket. Dance in the bathroom getting ready. Dance in the train station. Dance in the dark. Dance with a stranger. Dance with a friend. Dance. Grow Old, don't Grow Up. Always Dance... It's never to late to start... Growing Old Is Mandatory...Growing Up Is Optional... A New Fundraiser I Will Be Partaking In!!! Saturday Oct 15th: Light The Night Walk is The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's annual fundraising walk to pay tribute and bring hope to people battling cancer. Hundreds of thousands of participants raise funds for lifesaving research and patient services. 10/10/11: This past weekend was a gift. I met so many tremendously amazing people inside and out. reminded me so deeply that no matter how bad things may be, you can find so much beauty in others. Without them even being aware, they can get you through such hard times. The cliche still remains and rears its FIERCE head at the appropriate times... Everything Happens For A Reason... We meet people, lose people, find people, remember people, keep people, miss people, hope for people, and mostly and above all Love People that we can call our Friends... Congratulations to Jay De La Torre to a successful Show! 10/6/11: There seem to be so many days in a week, most that I can't believe just FLY BY! I hate that I find myself having gone 3 or 4 days and I look at the calendar or my phone and I can't believe that I haven't called, messaged, reached out to a friend I have been meaning to call. For that I sincerely apologize... Why I wanted to focus on inner beauty so badly is because I have seen such ugliness display itself out of some of the most appealing looking people the past few days. Of course, in the eye of the beholder, myself, they may not seem as attractive to others. Now, based upon their actions, words, chosen directions... No matter how beautiful the shell... there is no seeing past. Some people with the hardest pasts, deepest secrets, sorrows, pain, history that will never go away, scars, wounds, constant reminders.. .... Still have the ability to reverbirate such beauty that they never let dwindle... Perhaps with the most fierce pain, comes the most sincere compassion... This may be a cliche, but the words seem truer and truer everyday.. NEVER judge a book...by it's cover...

10/3/11: I had a long message here for a while, I was very hesitant to post it, reluctant even. All I want to say to preface the Blog I have up is... no matter how hard it gets, how alone you feel, there is someone, there are people who love you... I have seen proof... Any love given to you....don't question Someday will be your last, you won't get to say it again I LOVE YOU I wish everyone could love unconditionally... accept all for what they are... exude compassion smile.. embrace... Love People and Use Things.. Not Love Things and Use People.. ~I have been quiet lately. I do shut down and shut out when I'm not feeling well. It's not that I don't need my friends, my family, my close ones... I am just angry and embarassed... No one should have to deal with me, suffer or be burdened with such. I do hope for the strength that one day I can take those bricks down from my wall.. but I also hope for those who will help me~ MINI THANK YOU AWARDS Thank you for a Piece of Inspiration Lisa C. Thank you for Helping my Wall Laura E. Mancini Thank You for Reminding Me What Biff's Are For Rob "Biff" Thank you for Never Letting A Day Go By Stephanie Pagan New Products available Helps donate towards: Angels Without Wings The donation chart will be up soon so you will see where the funds are going! (Tax EIN available shortly!) ~ Materials for Motivational Speaking at under privileged schools ~ Publications to present to Schools for Anti-Bullying Presentations ~ Kit Releases for children awareness to get involved in the Community ~ Student activity planners: Get Involved not Get In Trouble More will be posted shortly! JAY DE LA TORRE You are AMAZING! Such Talent and heart! All the beautiful models... So INCREDIBLE!!! You are all so wonderful! Friday Jay will shine through the sensational sparkle you all have to offer!!!

9/21/11: It has been some time and I do apologize, but my blog today will hopefully, slightly explain my delay... Please enjoy and I promise to update more frequently! Be kind, love, and always remember, everyone is going through a battle you can't see <3 A SPECIAL CONGRATULATIONS Gigi and Chris to their BABY Girl Alexandra Lynn and a SPECIAL THANK YOUto Kayleigh Messinger *Angels are all around us and I'm honored* Thank You to a Kind Act Laura E. Mancini An ear lent is always appreciated The Get What You Give Thank You Deanna Neeb 9/12/11 How do you embrace a Monday that is unwelcoming? How about with a map and a plan. A plan to take on the rest of the week with a vengeance like no other. I still have to devise a plan as such and once this is in line, I will be sure to let you know. This weekend took me on blindsided and today my eyes were still blurry and swollen and my body still slightly numb. Between coping with 9/11 and not feeling well, at all, I know that I have to start changing a few things if I want to have a better, more beneficial outcome. As the saying is, or close to it, how can you expect a different outcome when repeating the same thing over and over. I will now pull out my quill and begin a different parchment...

9-7-11: Wow, so here we are! It is ANOTHER rainy day. All I can think about are the families that have come so close to drying out and BAM! More water. If there are any places that are looking for donations, please feel free to contact me and I will get the word out there! I think it is important at a time like this we get together as a family and reach out to our brothers and sisters!!!! Where is the nearest boat dealership!?!? To keep it a BIT lighter... I'm looking for some of my friend and family to come out and support me and an old friend from High School!!!... There will be FUN and FASHION and HAIR and DRINKING (yeah, that sold it) and I don't want to spoil the fun, but I will be there too!!!... A great night out at the W in Hoboken!!!... (There will truly be an abundance of great people and I'd love to have some support! Let me know if you are planning on coming!)

9/5/11 As Labor Day Weekend is coming to an end, I realize that it isn't all about the drinking and the BBQ's, the parties and the dancing, but to me it became the people that were by my side. Thank you so much for everyone checking up on me and to those that cheered me up!!!... Thank you! I hope everyone had a fantastic and safe time and that the flood clean-ups weren't as terrible as was anticipated! Here is to a BEAUTIFUL fall, my FAVORITE season!!!! <3 9-3 I just wanted to apologize for the great gap of BLOG UPDATES. Some people are aware of the last two week and a few (million) things that have been going on, some personal and some just straight up BAD LUCK. One thing I don't believe in is luck, well, gone and done it, I full out, cross my heart, believe in BAD LUCK! I will begin to divulge a little bit of this and a little bit of that. But in a nut shell, my FIRSTvacation, yes, big type, BOLD print, FIRST vacation in over a year since I started my job was cut short by our guest Irene. I got back and my precious little Barbie Car decided she didn't want to drive anymore. Well, i may or may not be because I hit something that put a hole in the oil pan which broke a chain, in turn destroying my motor. But, no one has to know that! To top it off, on the seesaw of good and bad feeling days, I'm on the top of the seesaw screaming at all the kids to take the boulder they put on the bottom and they are just making faces at me, not catching a break.... On a new medicine that doesn't seem to be helping but sure does make me laugh when I look at it, I know it sounds funny, but the saying "big charge, small battery" very much applies to me. Hey, take pleasure in the little things in life right! Ok, well that is that. As for the other things going on, I'm sure that we have discussed should it be required and you know what, HAVE A BEAUTIFUL LABOR DAY WEEKEND and please... BE SAFE! LOVE AND HUGS!